My Mom -- Profile in courage

Mom was courageous. I never her saw her falter in the face of danger or difficulty. She showed us by example how to face into the wind of adversity and soar above life’s challenges.

I remember one time our family went camping. I was probably only four or five years old. We were going up into the Uinta mountains, over miles of dirt roads. We had car trouble on the way up, but Dad was able to get it fixed. Then, when we got in the mountains, it turned out that the road was washed out. Rather than go back, we carefully crept alongside the washout. I remember looking out the side window of our car hundreds of feet down the mountainside as we slid past the obstacles. Many would have turned back. But Mom and Dad continued, and we enjoyed a wonderful holiday in the mountains.

Later, the summer I turned six, Mom decided to take the five of us kids to spend the summer with her parents in New Jersey. My oldest brother Rob was eleven, and my younger brothers were two and three, and were unbelievably rambunctious. Mom got harnesses with leashes attached in order to keep track of them, and then she took us in tow on the railroad – a great adventure.

I remember my excitement of going to the Union Pacific Depot in Salt Lake. I remember finding our seats. I remember how fun it was to have the train move away, and how much I enjoyed the origami book mom bought to keep us occupied. Then I remember how uncomfortable it was when the air conditioner quit in our train car, and we suffered in hundred-degree weather. But Mom remained cheerful in the face of adversity. I remember being stuck in Chicago for a while as we waited for a train we had missed because of construction delays. I remember how nice it was to get to Grandpa’s house, and I remember that Mom told Dad when the summer was over that if he wanted to see the kids again, he’d better drive out there, because she wasn’t taking the train back home.

I saw Mom’s courage as she watched her father grow senile as he lived with us. At first, he was just physically frail. But eventually, his mental capabilities waned. I remember the day she took his tools away from him, because he was a danger to hurt himself and the house. It broke her heart to hear him complain about her being mean to him. But it needed to be done, and she did it without flinching.

When Mom was 69, my family was living in Kanazawa Japan. Mom and Dad got on an airplane and flew to Osaka. Then, while speaking not a word of Japanese, they got on a train and rode for two and a half hours to Kanazawa, trusting that everything would work out well. And it did.

Never was mom more courageous than in her battle with Alzheimer’s. She must have been terrified when she was first diagnosed. She had seen her mother-in-law and her father succumb to senility before they died. She had seen firsthand what it was like to lose your memory, to forget familiar faces, and to fall prey to paranoia. And when she was diagnosed, she knew that all of these outcomes potentially lay ahead.

I don’t know how she dealt with her fears privately. I’m sure she struggled many times. I’m sure she had moments where she wept with fear, and prayed for deliverance from this silent enemy. But in public, she was a marvelous example of courage. She never asked for pity. She regularly smiled. When she was frustrated with her inability to remember a word, she graciously accepted her shortcomings and accepted help with magnanimity and grace.

I was blessed to see my Mom on the last day that she was really conscious. I’d been on a business trip to Washington, D.C. I came to her home unannounced, because I hadn’t been sure I could get there. When I got there, I went to her room. My sister Erica announced that I was there. Mom opened her eyes, saw me, and smiled. She reached out and hugged me, then gave me a kiss. As I hugged and kissed her, I felt her love. She could no longer form words, but she certainly told me she loved me. It was a fitting capstone to her life.

Courage lies not in never knowing fear. That is more of stupidity, for certainly life has fearsome things. Courage lies in facing fear, and moving ahead in spite of the danger. Courage recognizes what cannot be changed, and faces into it, making the best of a difficult situation. Courage does what can be done, and maintains a positive attitude in spite of the arrayed enemies. Courage presses forward, even when the odds are insurmountable.

There are heroic stories written of courage in the face of battle, or of rescues in the face of imminent physical danger. There are fewer heroic stories written about facing personal struggles in quiet moments. Nobody has chronicled Mom’s courage. But no epic has had nearly the effect on me of Mom’s quiet example. Through her private actions, she has inspired me to be more courageous both in public and private. I hope that someday I may be as courageous as my Mom.

My Mom – my profile in courage – my hero.